Everyone wants someone or something to blame, eh? What we have is cause and effect confusion.
Let’s get it said right away. Every woman who is dissatisfied with her extra pounds hates the “skinny bitch”. Furthermore, every “skinny bitch” who has to work hard to attain and maintain that shape hates the “skinny bitch” who maintains it naturally. Ok, maybe hate is not the right word, let’s go with at least jealous. You know what I mean.
Being naturally lean, I have been on the receiving end of jealousy and sometimes hate from women all of my adult life. Now that I am older and the weight is not so easily kept off I understand more than ever. Let’s unpack “weight”.
Hopefully, we as a collective, now comprehend that it’s really not about what the scale says. In fact, I threw out my scale years ago when I realized it wasn’t serving me. Whew, that felt good! It’s about the composition of what is there. Two people at the same height and weight can look vastly different. Men tend to understand this easier. Women try to get smaller and men try to get bigger muscles which equates to “bigger”. So many are tied to the scale as a judge to measure their success or failure. Am I right? As my friend, Tim, would say, “these are the data points”. We need a form of measurement.
However, what we should be after is actually health. Trying to manage a symptom thinking it’s the “problem” won’t fix the “problem”. What IS the problem? In this case, it’s not what the scale says or mirror screams at you. Your weight is a symptom.
When men want big muscles what do they do, if they do it right? They challenge their muscles with progressive overload so their muscles adapt. Then they provide enough nutrition and restorative sleep to support the rebuilding. Bigger muscles are a symptom or outcome of that process. Make sense?
That is an example of a wanted symptom done on purpose. Now suppose we have a woman who is admittedly carrying extra weight in places she cares not to. The weight is still not the problem, its a symptom. We kind of know this but we need to change our languaging around it. When we change how we talk about things we change what we do about things. Thoughts become things. If we say I have a weight “problem” then we try to fix that by forcing the “problem” to go away. We focus on the weight by starving ourselves or exercise to extreme fatigue while we destroy our hormonal systems, putting us in a worse situation.
While diet and daily movement are extremely important, they should be thought of as staples to a lifestyle that will bring you closer to health, not the magic piece dissolving the problem staring at you in the mirror.
Yes, some have it easier in terms of body composition. But consider that the extra weight, which really boils down to extra fat, is there for a reason that may not be fixed by religiously regulating your energy input and output. An energy input overage may in fact be the problem but if you are forcing yourself to eat less then the problem is deeper. Emotions, chronic stress, self limiting beliefs, gut microbiome, toxicity levels, food sensitivities, sleep patterns or snoring due to dental misalignment, etc can all play a role.
So, while you are focusing on the problem of weight your weight continues to be a problem because that’s where the focus is. Focus instead on health and if you dig deep enough I promise you it will fall naturally where it needs to and you will reap all the other symptoms that come with a healthy vibrant body. Put aside your wish to be a lower weight while you reallocate your resources to health. Boom! You’re welcome.
~Teri Lynn ~